July 26, 2004 3:00pm-ish

Before I continue about Sunday's activity I'll talk about this moment. Charlie is in the back looking at the engine because the oil sound just went off. He sat in the doorway that was open which let in a very large fly which still may be in the van laying thousands of eggs as I write this! I said something about letting all the flies in and why don't you come in and sit down and he gives me the look of death. He gets up, slams the door and goes and sits on the curb. This would normally be an invitation to dance, so to speak. I'd be indignant and say in a loud voice "what?!" or "why the look?" or "you're being so mean, blah blah blah..." But instead I said nothing - he belted out a few commands and as I sat waiting without asking what was going on, it occured to me:
(a) Charlie was still a boy finding his own way, finding out how to just BE or maybe it was his thing to do in this life (as per my astrology for the soul book) - to fight back and create boundaries. But not for me.
(b) I need to let go needing to be right and righteous all the time.

Admittedly, I could have killed him where he stood with the swell of anger that ran through me at that moment. But it went away just as quickly. Thus ends the story of how Charlie came very close to death in Badger, Newfoundland. How close, he'll never know.

Incidentally, by my keeping quiet, he quickly came around and even asked if he could get me anything from the store up the road. Lord in heaven, I have stumbled upon something as valuable as the fountain of youth!